Where's all the Bike Related Content?

I thought this was a bike blog after all. I come on here and all I find is ditties about cheerleaders, haircuts and the new hipster sayings. I've got to say, its very unjelly Bro....

Everybody's a critic (even me to myself - especially me to myself)

My trip to Vegas/Utah starts Friday. I'm going with Matt who is a strong rider and only a slight 60 pounds lighter than me. I've been riding as much as I can to reduce the distance that wascally wabbit is going to put between us on the desert singletrack. Although its never as much as you would like, I think I've been doing a pretty good job of getting out.

Here's a couple of pictures from Saturday at Banner, thanks to my riding buddy and photog extraordinaire, Nick.

I call this Elevator hill. I can punch the UP button and wait all day, the 'vator to the top isn't coming. For now I have to take "the stairs" (walk up). This is the only bit I can't do out at Banner now, maybe by the end of this season.



This is what I call Fox Hole Hill. That mound in the near left of the picture is a fox hole, or some other critter's lair. We built a burm on top of it. I guess that's sorta like having a freeway bypass going through your backyard.



You can see the "O" on my face from the "WoooHooo!" I'm doing.



Jelly.

The Cheerleader in my Gym Bag

I have a cheerleader stashed away at the bottom of my gym bag. I keep her there, just for me.

Ok, fine its just a picture, but it is personalized. It says, "Cheers Brian" and I know she really means that.

Jackie picked this gem up for me at a charity benefit dinner she went to for work. Bringing me my own personal cheerleader, is that a great wife or what? I threw my cheerleader in the bag to take to work and she just kinda stayed there. Its a good place for her to provide encouragement.

Her name is Elizabeth, but I call her Liz. She likes that.

Despite the sweaty clothes, shoes and stuff thrown on top of her she always stays high energy and perky-positive for Team Brian.

She always thinks I can do it. I like that.

Black Tie Affair...of Death

A. Doctors wear neckties

B. Doctors see sick people

C. Sick people cough, sneeze and otherwise project their germyness precisely at tie-level.

D. Ties rarely ever get washed

A+B+C+D = a brightly colored, interesting patterned landingstrip of disease and pestilence hanging from the neck of your physician.

Who knew? Well, apparently these guys did, back in 2004.

Luckily you can now buy antibacterial ties. I like this one based on the H1N1 pandemic. You know, because pandemics are just so whimsical.



Or you can go in another direction with these "awareables" ties. Not only do they adorn necks, they also "educate" the public. I like the Mad Cow one,


or maybe the Ebola.


I'm guessing people with Ebola probably don't need their awareness raised, what with the bleeding eye sockets and all....but just in case we have these cute little reminders.

I see plenty of doctors everyday at work. Starting tomorrow I'm eradicating any non-antimicrobial ties that I see. Its me against the bacterial neckwear. They're gross, but I'm pretty badass too and I have scissors. We'll see who wins this one.

Oh yes, we will see.

It's all- Jelly Bro

My soon-to-be 14 year old daughter tells me one of the new hip words is "beast" (incidentally "hip" isn't "hip"). If I understand usage correctly "beast" can be proclaimed any number of ways "that's so beast", "I'm beast" or simply "dude, beast".

That got me thinking (dangerous) there must be some group of kids, probably in So Cal or someplace "beastish" that sits around trying to come up with the latest sayings. Its probably a pretty trial and error operation with lots of attempts that never catch on. The satisfaction they must derive from getting one to actually stick must be pretty....well....beast.

So then why does the So Cal teenie beasters have all the influence? Why can't any one of us start a saying? I think I'm going to give it my own try with "Jelly". Obviously, I was making a PB&J when it came to me that PB's lesser known partner, Jelly, deserves its day in the sun. Most everyone likes jelly and its musical cousin, Jam, has a long history in certain circles. Jelly is sweet tasting and "sweet" is another bit of nomenclature that has stood the test of time.

So, if you would remember you heard it here first that would be totally jelly dude. By way of visual example, one of the first trails we will be riding in St. George is the Bear Claw Poppy trail, its a bike powered rollercoaster that gonna be righteously jelly (hey, bearclaw pastry kinda has jelly in it, doesn't it?).

Anywho, check out the Jellytude.

What is it With Me and Haircuts?

Some of my more loyal readers (2) will remember a past incident involving a very complicated haircut.

Well, it happened again - haircut weirdness. I think I attract this haircut weirdness, sort like a lightning rod attracts electrical particles from the sky.



While this was not as dramatic as the last time (as if anything could top the Mad Hair Scientist). It did make me laugh.

I had some time to kill after Allie's concert at the MALL because I had inexplicably agreed to let her do some MALL ratting for awhile after her performance. So I thought I'd slip out of the MALL (my favorite place to be) and go just down the street to "Create Glips" (the place where the previous incident went down).

Due to various logistical problems I had all-but decided I wasn't going to slip out after all and would instead find another way to kill a half hour. Then I walked by what-I-will-call the "hair place". It actually had "Design" and I think "Studio" and maybe "Style" in the name, (none-of-which my usual hair place have) so I was a little out-of-sorts right off the bat.

I actually did the walk by double-take - walked by, turned around...uh, nah....turn around again...wait, too much MALL time to kill....turn, hey that sign says $10 off haircuts...pacing a bit now, hmmm, that's a lot off a haircut, how much are these fancy haircuts?.....sign says "walk-ins welcome"....

Ok, ok, fine...

Boom, I'm in.

A guy is at the counter paying for what looks like a very ordinary haircut. This is a good sign.

I'm next and my "stylist" walks me back to her "station" but then tries to detour me to the sink/chair line for a quick shampoo. "Oh no," I tell her "I just want a haircut."

"But it relax you" (I'm not saying anything about ethnicity here)

"That's ok, I'm pretty relaxed."

She was not buying it, but we were moving on.

The haircut was going fine. She was nice and made decent small talk. Then I made a crack about "hating" a small streak of gray hair in the front of my head. This innocent (I don't really care) remark launched a cut, color, style, feather, comb-down barrage of possible techniques. At one point she said some people shave off the little patch in the center of your head to get rid of bangs that hang down (really?). "Wow, that just sounds like shaving a hole the middle of your head to me" I said.

And were moving on again.

I was learning a lot and it was really augmenting my training from last time, it was like earning CEU's.

At one point she told me how she cuts big (see "Fat") guy's hair to be contoured in the back so it hides their neck fat.......I'm going to say that again - SO IT HIDES THEIR NECK FAT.

Gotta say I did not see that one coming. Lesson on neck fat camouflage, check.

Moving on.

The hair cut is over, I'm heading toward the front to pay, she says "I know you don't want it, but let's rinse the hair off you, that hair not good for you, get in eyes."

".....uhm....ok...wait...what?"

(I'm sitting down in the sink/chair now)

(water runs)

"You relax."

(Um, ok)

Just water so far then, BAM, shampoo in my hair...aaaaand rubbing.

(Hey, this feels pretty good, I guess)

The other stylist, from the back of the SALON, says "You have a good shampoo."

I said, "She tricked me."

We all laughed, I'm still laughing.

The rest of the experience went off without a hitch and I'm sure to be looking 15 years younger with my new skill set. If I ever really let myself go and get unsightly neck fat I'm set for what to do there as well.

PS:

I really think I might be turning into a freakish little man that weird stuff just sorta happens to....until finally one day......he goes loony.

I'm going to Uuuu-tah, I'm going to Uuuu-tah

Sometime in the early throes of the nastiest winter on record I declared, "I'm riding someplace warm for my birthday!".

And so it was: the gauntlet thrown down, the ship set a course - I would RIDE, it was a matter of HONOR. My birthday was January 10th.

You know what I did 1-10? Well, that's-really-none-of-your-business but, I can tell you this: I wasn't riding someplace warm.

As it turns out, even matters of HONOR are no sure bet. So, after several tries - including a double spearheaded attempt to take in the ISU bowl game and some Arizona singletrack - I had given up and resigned myself to a spring full of a snowy, muddy, mushy, mess.

Then, what's this? The pieces starting coming together (even if I wasn't escaping winter anymore). An available mountain bike buddy, cheap flights to Vegas and the ability to crash with another friend made the plan complete. The Utah mountain biking haven of St. George and Hurricane are only a few hours drive from Vegas, so we will be staying a couple of days in canyon and mesa country in addition to taking in Bootleg Canyon and maybe Red Rock Canyon and/or Blue Diamond.

To say I'm excited doesn't quite capture it.

Here's a cool video that compiles 3 of the trails we plan to ride.



Giddy Up.