Thursday, October 28, 2010

Where's my Bejesus?

So many things to be scared of, so little time......ah, uhm, so little time....time, no time, we're running out of time....I knew it, we're all gunna die!!!!!

Ok, sorry. Composure returning in T minus 3, 2, 1...

So many things


Certain side effects of Levitra that last more than 4 hours
Horses (one day they will collectively decide - no more rides, we revolt!)
Priests (especially Priests)
Last Call (you don't haveta go home, but you can't stay here)
Cereal Killers (why do they hate sugary puffs so much?)
Super Volcanoes
Dentists (especially the 5th one....4 outta 5 agree, what's with that 5th one?)
Sharks (they've already got a week, what's next?)
Fear itself
Tardive Dyskinesia (think Ozzy)
Klondike Bars (what would you do for one? What?!)
Solar Radiation
Hillbillies (ask Ned Beatty)
Y2K (errrrr, nevermind)
Glen Beck (tear, sniff, sniff, buy gold)
Cooked fruit
Light Beer
Bone loss
Dirty bombs
Clean bombs
Keepin' it real
Razor blades (particularly the intrafruit variety)
Taliban Monkeys
Tornadoes (especially flaming ones)
Cavity Searches
Bob Seger (run for your lives, we're overrun by cheezy tavern rock!)
Spiders (oh, frickin spiders)
Sudden Cheerleader Shortage
Pluto (first you're a planet, then you're not...what are you hiding Pluto?!)
Micheal Myers (the Halloween one, not the Austin Powers one)
Granny Panties
Pandemics of any kind
Mentos + soda
Adult onset anything
Fire (especially spontaneous combustion)
and the worst of all......clowns

Pennywise, Insane Clown Posse, John Wayne Gacy

I think that's everything....but I could be forgetting something......oh crap!


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Here's to You, Touchdown Guy

We interrupt our regular bike-centric programming for this...

I don't know who this guy is, but I can tell that I like him.

He is basking in the glow of the Cyclones beating the Longhorns in Austin.

He is living life, man.

I'm calling him Touchdown Guy.

Think about that scene for a minute.....100k stunned Texas fans and you.


As for the other obvious Clones in the picture; the lady in the hat is at least trying to be a little inconspicuous, leaning back and clapping low under an impressive hat. The guy next to her is smirking and trying to not be obvious about photographically documenting this joyous event. Not Touchdown Guy, he's throwing up the double-armed TD paired with a heart-felt "Woohooo!"

Yep, I like 'em. How could you not?

This picture, and a bunch of other great ones, can be found at The Des Moines Register

Hats off to you, Touchdown Guy, and to all Cyclones - everywhere.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Taco Ride, Brought to You by Animal Planet

It was a good Taco Ride last week with as many as 20 riders out to enjoy the dirt. As per the usual routine we sort of naturally split into a continnum of groups such as Fast, Kinda Fast, Sometimes Fast-Like, Medium and Whatever speed for the ride.

So I'm riding along somewhere along in the Medium to Whatever range and my mind wanders...its so good to have the Denmans Woods trail back. We lost it to floods in early June and only recently has it returned to its former glory. I'm happily twisting and turving (its a new word I'm working on) through the colorful leaves; it is so relaxing and.......BOOM! big hawk swoops in front of me. He's flying low, right along the trail. As he banks a turn and flies overhead I see that its not a big hawk, its an big owl.....and he's got a brown brushy tail.....wait, big owls don't have tails......he's got a squirrel.

By now I am slowing to stop. I turn and say to Nick, "that owl has" -- "AWESOME" he says.

Ok, you've seen it.

Meantime Mr. Owl lands in the tree right above us. As we slow the riders coming up from behind and fumble for our cameras Mr. O just looks down like he's saying in a thick New Yorker accent "Yeah, so I got a squirrel. So what?! You gotta problem wit dat?"

I get my phone out, gloves off, line up the shot.....decide I want to zoom it, get the zoom set, aim aaaaand the owl flies off. Grrrrrrr. At least Nick got a shot.

BAM! predation; Animal Planet; awesome. The last time I saw Animal Planet like this was when a Hummingbird attacked my garage!

You can't really see it in the picture, but he's got a pretty big squirrel under him. He must be holding on to it with one talon while holding on the branch with the other. Man, I wish I had talons, they are just so useful.

Later when we caught up with our riding buddy nicknamed Squirrel (he rides in the Fast group) we told him about the owl and the demise of his fuzzy brethern. Now, I don't want to say he was nervous, but he did ride off shortly after that.....and he was going pretty fast....

I guess I don't blame him.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a big brown squirrel? One, a-two, three - CRUNCH! - three.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Ugly Sweater is Coming to Town

One of my long time readers left a disparaging comment on the previous Spooky Woods + Christmas sweaters post which calls into question my knowledge of fashionable fabrics, specifically poly-nylon-poly blends.

Although the commenter was anonymous, I would like to take this opportunity to say directly to her (yes, her) and to anyone else out there who doubts my fashion sense: Could I pull off the purchase of this beauty without at least a working knowledge of synthetics and all the wonderful ways they can be blended?

As you can see, this gem is a cardigan (oh yeah, knowin' my sweater types too) and its got everything you could ever want: trees, a hat and scarf wearing bear, nutcracker, a freakin' rocking horse. The best part is this is a real sweater and not one that has been modified for increased ugliness. Original ugly, I like that.

Its even got Santa's sleigh on the back.

Hells yeah.

You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry...Ugly Sweater is coming to town.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Reporting for Spooky Woods Duty: The Christmas Sweater Brigade

The Spooky Woods ride is undoubtedly one of the highlights of the local social miscreant freestyle cycling scene. Last year it was admittedly modest due to mud. Despite the meager beginnings my night ended in true spooky fashion, with a karaoke singing midget stripper from Hollywood.

Anyways, this year - as it was in 2008 - Spooky Woods shall be epic. It will again be in Denmans Woods and the jack'o'logs will be roaring.....but there is a story within a story here my friends.....

......Yes, there's a growing tide, a rolling thunder, an ever increasing, all consuming revolution.........the Sweater Brigade is coming to the 2010 Spooky.....

You see, one of the great things about Spooky is the costumes, but one of the painful things about Spooky is the actual coming up with a costume - (one you can ride in, that isn't too hot or cold and is funny or at least ironic)....

Fast forward to Tuesday; Nick, Corey and I are riding at Sugar Bottom and we are having a blast. We decide to pause for the obligatory group photo.

While setting up the shot someone commented that it would probably end up looking like a cheesy Christmas card. We theorized giant snowmen and/or Christmas tree sweaters would make it even better. It was a short leap from there to sweaters as Spooky costumes and DAS REVOLUTION! was born.

So, join us if you dare. Don your merry, puffy ornaments in all the season's festive colours. Deck yourself in the latest sleigh fashion and come on down. Please understand that The Brigade doesn't discriminate on the basis of holiday. Wear your pumpkin sweaters with pride! Rock a giant flag, and be a proud patriot. Just gird yourself in the finest cotton,wool, poly-nylon-poly blend you can find and head on out to Spooky on the 30th.

Do it.