My name is Brian and I like toys.
I don't wanna brag, but I've been really good this year.
I know you're probably really busy right now, so if you want to hand off this request to your Head Elf, I think her name is Jackie, that would be fine with me.
I'm a team player.
I know your policy is to rely on a relative measure of naughty versus nice, so I thought I would compile a quick list to help you determine my fate.
1. I gotta a job and I usually go there when I'm supposed to.
2. I got 2 kids and I do good Dad stuff.
3. I walk the dog and he likes it.
4. I haven't thrown any fits this year, drunken or otherwise.
5. I'm a courteous driver most of the time.
6. I haven't kicked the cat at all this year (or any other year).
7. Number of extra martial affairs? Zero.
8. I recycle.
9. One time, a squirrel ran out in front of my car, I swerved.
10. I gave Cyclone football more time and money, even though they hurt me.
11. I maintained reasonably good hygiene and contracted no communicable diseases.
12. I mow the grass, even when I know its just gonna grow right back.
13. I said, "Yes Dear, you are correct." the exact right number of times.
14. I don't gamble - much.
15. I'm good at making lists.
Alls Ralphie wants is an official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.
Good luck Ralphie, all I want in return for my good behavior is for this:
Its just one little bike. Its got bigger wheels than the bikes I have now.
I need that.
Its paint glows in the dark. GLOWS IN THE DARK! I need that too.
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Very Sad Update:
Head Elf Jackie said "no".
Not fair.
2 comments:
Did she manage to knee you in the groin while stomping all over your hopes and dreams too? Maybe you should start small and ask for a set of 29" wheels and then after they arrive, declare you don't know what you were thinking when you asked for them as they don't fit any bike you own, so you'll need a new bike to go with the wheels... (note: I'm not liable if you try this and head elf Jackie accidentally cuts off your manhood, however, if it works, I calim all rights to said evil stroke of genius)
Head Elf says I have to sell one of my current bikes first. Whoever heard of that?! Santa requiring you sell a toy to get a toy.
Thanks for the suggestion, but I've feigned ignorance so many times it just doesn't work anymore. Apparently no one can be that stupid...or can they? Hmmmm.
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