The Sweater Effect

It’s a relatively familiar concept, the butterfly effect. This metaphor, born from chaos theory, tries to elegantly convey the fleeting, fragile and intractable nature of – well – everything. In other words: is it possible, theoretically, for a butterfly flapping its wings in South America to be the root cause of an eventual tornado in Texas (yes, really).

The butterfly itself is really just a poetic substitution, a symbol for any number of possible catalysts. Nearly anything can cause a ripple - a bird, a plane….a sweater.

From looking at a graph of monthly visitors you can see that my blog chugged right along, being perused by a handful of regular readers and occasionally an internet passerby or two.



Then The Most Interesting Sweater In The World was introduced.



Visits swelled, bandwidth strained to keep pace. All this new traffic must have some consequence, some…..effect. I wonder, what is in store for me now?

I think it is possible, likely even, that one of these new visitors will be a powerful publishing titan. Mr. Titan will undoubtedly recognize my flair for the dramatically mundane and sign me to a heavyweight book deal. There’s nothing left to do now but pull in that sweet, sweet JR Rowling money.

Flush with cash I will rush out to buy myself a fancy G6 luxury plane, because - after-all - I deserve it.



Logically, my next move will be to jump straight into piloting that bad boy. Buoyed by my new-found self confidence I am sure to be at the helm for multiple circumnavigations of the globe at supersonic speeds, spreading joy (among other things) everywhere I go.

Tragically, during a particularly important humanitarian mission, I will miscalculate my azimuth (or some-such thing) and crash into the side of Mount Ararat.



The crash will trigger an avalanche that decimates several of the area’s villages. As if that’s not bad enough, bands of the once reclusive Yetis are disturbed by the avalance causing them to maraud, nightly, through the alpine countryside.



It’s ok folks, don’t panic, my international health foundation will take care of it.

Lives will be saved from the donation, and effective distribution, of free sweaters (we have them stockpiled for just such an occasion). The locals are predictably grateful but also can’t help but mention how their homes, schools and businesses are still destroyed and the sweaters are “itchy”.

Unfortunately, just like Ashton in the movie (spoiler alert – oops too late),



I don’t make it. The planet shall mourn the loss of a great writer, humanitarian and terrible pilot. In the wake of this overwhelming tragedy a silver lining is found.

The avalanche has uncovered Noah’s Ark. Millions of Christians and Jews the world-over will rejoice at the discovery. I shall be posthumously lauded as a revolutionary figure of biblical proportions.

Plus, hey guys, Yetis.

All of this would make a great book.

Too bad I’m dead.

Damn sweater.