My house = Wife + 2 daughters + (usually) some # of daughter’s BFF’s.
It looks like this:
My workplace = Me + approximately one million wimmens
It looks like this:
Even on the Des Moines Register Lifestyle Blogger page, its all chicks and one dude (me). These lovely ladies bake, sew, shop and do crafty things. I talk about bike crashes and squirrel eating owls.
It looks like this:
I guess I’m a little sensitive right now (ironic) because a long time guy friend and co-worker recently took another job. He was basically the only other guy in the office. We were two dudes afloat in the Estrogen Ocean of the health and human services field. He just up and left, and it was clearly a violation of the Bro Code.
Some of the more sympathetic ladies at work offered to “talk football” and “other guy stuff” with me.
"Awesome, so what did you think of Texas trying to defend Iowa State’s zone read running game with 4-2-5 as their base defense?"
(….silence….)
“Well….I like those football pants.”
“Yeah, good talkin’to ya. Thanks.”
While we’re at it gals, here’s a couple others keys to my personal version of guy talk:
1.Any clothes I am wearing today (or will ever wear) do NOT constitute an “outfit”. I think I wore an outfit once….when I was in 1st grade.
2. My car nor my bike(s) nor any other thing I own is “cute”. At least I hope not. If I knew it was "cute" I wouldn't have bought it.
3.I have way fewer colors than y’all. No magenta or mauve, its just your basics with an option for an “ish” or “y” modifier if absolutely necessary ie bluish or yellowy. Additions of "light" and "dark" are acceptable, as are basic combinations such as blue-green.
4.A social gathering where you pressure your friends and/or acquaintances into buying candles or jewelry or kitchenware or make-up isn’t a “party”. It just isn’t. Call it something else.
5.A coupon? A cou-pon. Are you joking? That ain’t happening. Ever.
6.I’m probably not listening anyway.
“Brian to Mars Base, Come in Mars Base! I’ve crash landed and am stranded on Venus. So far the natives are friendly, but we both know that can change in an instant. I need evacuation.”
“Please hurry, I overheard them talking about remodeling kitchens and I think I saw someone with color swatches.”
“Yes! Swatches man! This ain’t no game! All those freakin’ ishy colors with stupid names, hundreds of them.”
“They’re gonna make me look at everyone of them! They’re gonna want an opinion, man! They ain’t settling for saying ‘I don’t care’ or 'they're all nice' this time.”
“Do you read?! I said they’ve got swatches man!”
“Hurry!”
3 comments:
Just showed this post to my wife. She says-"that was cute"
try talking about girl stuff that interest you....
Breast awareness (no I didn't forget the cancer, I like boobs not cancer)
Porn (duh)
Or just talk about yourself (chicks dig mountain bikers)
Seems like I remember you having some "cute" pants. Am I not remembering that correctly.
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