Thursday, November 4, 2010

Buy My Bike Stuff: It Will Make You Manlier

Everyone knows mountain biking is manly. You get dirty, stinky....hurt. You drink beer, leer and cuss at stuff.

Don't get your aprons all in an uproar, Ladies. You can be "manly" too, heck the last part of the word "woman" is MAN isn't it? In fact, I have mucho respectamundo for mountain bike ladies and badass chicks in general (just ask my wife).

So, if mountain biking is manly, it logically follows that biking in the ice and snow is manlier by a factor of about 50. Just think about how quickly those bonus points will fill up your man (or woMAN) card.

First up is a brand new set of Continental Nordic Spike cyclocross/touring tires. These have 240 studs of owl-talon gripping power. The icy trail will whimper beneath your tread. Perfect for commuting. They sell for around $85-90 bucks a piece before taxes or/shipping. $140 takes 'em

Second up is a lightly used set of 26 inch Nokian Extreme mountain bike tires. The 294 carbide studs will allow you to hunt seals, with a crossbow, on a glacier. They only have 5-6 rides on them, well under 40 total miles. They sell new for around $90 each, but are hard to find due to their extremeness. $125 takes 'em.

Either set of these tires will come in handy when marauding bands of cannibals rule the post apocalyptic American landscape starting in 2012.

Last up is a White Brothers Rock Solid 29er rigid fork. Some of you might think this isn't so manly because its light, blingy carbon fiber, a favorite material of leg-shaving roadies. Allow me to assure you, this fork is quite manly. First off, its rigid and not some softy, plushy suspension fork. Second, its beefy. It has a star nut and crown race installed. If you don't know what that means, then this fork is not for you. The steer tube is cut to 7.5 inches. Its nearly mint with only some minor scuffs. It probably has somewhere around 100 miles on it. They go for around $275 new, save big and get this one for $175.

Conan the Barbarian would love riding these tires and/or fork over the skulls of his fallen foes. Han Solo would jump to hyperspace to grab these hot deals. Hugh Heffner would throw a special theme party, in the grotto, to celebrate his purchase of these fine parts.

Its all true; and its all very manly.


Anonymous said...

Interesting. So why are you selling all this stuff if it is so manly? I smell a rat.

Brian said...

I am buying a Pugsly snowbike, which is so manly it will require a blog post of its own...once I have enough money to get it home from the shop. I tried to barter with beef jerky but that was too manly for them. They want this stuff called "cash". I offered to chop up stuff with an axe....still wanted this "cash".