Beam Me Aboard, Specialized

We interrupt the regularly scheduled Gnomefest Ride Report for breaking news about a stunning new addition to the Specialized Trail Crew….me.

Well, ok, not yet.

I still have to convince the benevolent and wise reviewers at Specialized (Yea Specialized!) that I’m the right dude for the gig. If I’m deemed Crew worthy they will hook me up with a 2010 S-Works Stumpjumper FSR for a year.



Oooooooo

And a bunch of cool gear







Ahhhhhh

And arrange for a couple of bike trips to fabulous destinations in order to get the most out of the whole shabang.



Woot.

All they want from me is to do what I love to do anyway – ride bikes and spin the tales that ensue. The more I write the cheaper the bike gets….until eventually (drumroll please)…….its free. Does it get better than that? Not without doing something illegal.

As anyone who reads my blog knows, I have a real affinity for making lists and stuff, so check it out:

Humanitarian Angle:

I suffer from a condition known as Bicycle Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I, uhm, think about bikes a lot.

Ah yeah, I, like love them.

If I’m not riding a bike I like to read about them, or look at pictures of them, or write my own little ditty about their awesomosity. I’m sure the other Crew members will be fellow sufferers. I need this support system to help manage my condition. Only you, Mr. / Ms. Trail Crew reviewer person can help me. For pennies a day, won’t you help me?

Communication Angle:

I’m good with words and stuff. Some might say I’m loquacious, but I prefer to think of myself as a blackbelt in the little known martial art of Word Fu. I write grants, technical reports and things for a living and blog about bikes and things for fun. I always seem to find some little adventure or mission to occupy me. If there's nothing interesting I'm not adverse to making things up, just a little. Fortunately, I rarely have to improvise because I have a way of finding the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Target Demographic Angle:

I am an overgrown, middle-aged, Manboy. At 39 years old I like nothing better than dropping the 3 off the front and acting like I’m 9 again. Mountain biking provides the best platform I can think of for doing exactly that. I’m betting a fair amount of Specialized (Yea, Specialized!) consumers are squarely in this demographic. We’ve got a little change in our pockets going jingle-langle-jingle and we can’t wait to drop it on the newest, bestest bike stuff out there. In addition I have carefully positioned myself into the most relatable, least threatening style of rider around. In most cases I’m not the fastest guy on the block and not the guy you end up waiting for hoping he’s not dead on the side of the trail. I am the exact right amount of proficient and deficient at the same time. Don’t ask me how I do it, true averageness is just a gift I guess.



Amateur Hypnotist (aka Pathetic Angle):



Look into my eyes….you are getting sleepy….giiiiive…meeeeee….the…..biiiiike.

Lightly Veiled Threat (aka Really Pathetic Angle):



Hopefully this plea will work so I don’t have to go all Plan B and send my legions of blog readers to boycott and protest. They’re a peaceful bunch, but I wouldn’t push it if I were’s you.