Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Who Done It?

ALRIGHT.....(dramatic pause)

Who's the wise guy (or gal) that "nominated" CDNM for the Des Moines Register's online collection of "lifestyle" blogs?

Don't speak up all at once now....Cat got your tongue? (and what's with these creepy tongue stealing cats anyway?)

(Cue CSI music) Well, I know it must have been a current reader, so the field has been narrowed down - shall we say - dramatically. I will find you and when I do....I'll......oh yeah, I will.......probably do nothing. (fade out CSI music)

So, I agreed to link my little bike-heavy corner of the internets to the DMReg but unfortunately for me, and all of you, I am freshly out of interesting things to write about. I already did my big mountain biking trip for the year and I've told the story about riding down a volcano, so what's left?


The last weekend in June I will be doing my second mountain bike race of the year at Seven Oaks in Boone. That's 2 more races than you would expect a not-a-racer like me to be doing. I guess I can write about my muddling and mucking up of that event.

In the meantime let me quickly relate another time where I encountered a mysterious agent, moving behind the scenes, against (or for?) me.

Jackie and I had just gotten married, it was Year Of Our Lord 1458 (give-or-take). At the wedding I spied a large box, artfully wrapped with silver wrapping paper and white ribbons, on the gift table. Perfectly square, strangely light and from some "distant" relatives, this enigma was sure to be opened first the next day.

So the morning after the wedding, with family and friends gathered 'round, I eagerly dove into the shiny mystery. It made an odd swishing when I gave it the Christmas present shake. Hmmm. Not towels, what could it be? Ooooo, the suspense............aaaaaand -

Tah Daah! A wooden cat.

Yes, with all the fervor of Geraldo opening Capone's vault I pulled out giant wooden cat from the box and plopped it down on the table. There were chuckles, snickers and assorted theories.

What is it?

I dunno.

Is it awesome?

I don't think so.

It had a vertical wooden dowel rod placed in between the cat front and rear. "A paper towel holder!" I boldly declared as if I had just solved a Wheel of Fortune puzzle with only 2 letters showing.

Ah Ha!

(doesn't fit on the counter due to cat's tail)

After many failed attempts at forensic identification we finally determined it was a toilet paper holder.

Good, we needed one of those. Our toilet paper is currently unheld.

This one is a dog, but you get the idea.

Unfortunately TP Kitty didn't even fit by the toilet, so she eventually had to go. We lived in some apartments so I loaded her up one day with some other junk (Oh, sorry Kitty) and took her to the dumpster that was "conveniently" located halfway across our sprawling complex. Just as I was about to throw TPK in the dumpster I felt - I dunno - bad. "Maybe you'll find another home, Kitty" I actually said out loud before setting her off to the side instead of throwing her in.

A couple of days later I woke up a went into the living room to watch my morning tv and there was TP Kitty sitting outside the patio sliding door. She was right up next to the glass like she wanted back in. Now, I'm not buying that TPK was able to magically animate herself in order to seek revenge, so some wise guy (or gal) must have put her there. Maybe it was the same somebody that suggested my blog to the Register.

The TPK case has never been solved, I doubt this blog one will be either.

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